Moonlight Ski and Trying to Get Back in the Game...

The "ski squat" ...He has his flashlight and is ready to go down the hill!

Little boys, fire, sharp sticks, sticky marshmallows, snow and ice...not exactly a mother's dream...but they had lots of fun!

Adults enjoying the full moon...boys enjoying the sugar.

Baby girl was kicking and sweet talking the whole time.

I would have a picture of Brady skiing...but he was too fast.

These are pics from our full moon ski. The kids did great...thanks to Papa for bringing a small flashlight for Luke. Sometimes thats all it takes to keep him going! We skiied for about an hour, then stopped at the campfire before completing the last 10 minutes or so of the event. It was beautiful out...although I had a head cold and was fairly weak...and pulled Luke about half of the way. It was still really fun to all be out there together.

So lets get down to the ugly truth. I've been out of sorts lately. Tired. Sick. Irritated. Restless. Weary. Impatient. Bothered.

So I started trying to analyze this. Yeah, I've been living with myself for 32 years. I should know a bit about why this happens and how I can better deal with it. So as I took a step back and looked at myself, I realized that when I was younger, single, responsible for only myself...I would "hide out" until I got through it. Those days would usually entail a good book, pjs, and staying in bed all day if I could. When I was in middle school I even made a little hideout in the back of my closet. I had a reading lamp, pillows, blankets...a cozy dark little spot where I could rest, relax, not be bothered. And most of all...not have to explain why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Sometimes I just don't know! Anyway, I was able to have time to myself and then get back in the game. Even as a young wife I was able to take my "hide out" time and get back in it. However, for the past 5 1/2 years of being a mom, I have not been able to deal with myself in the same way. I'm constantly needed, wanted, loved on, missed, etc. etc. And don't get me wrong...this is the job I dreamed of, longed for, desired from the depths of my heart, and still do. But I am struggling to find a way to save myself in the midst of it. I don't have a solution yet...but I feel better at least identifying the issue! So I'm sorry if you were looking for a big light bulb moment here...but I want to challenge you moms out there to look back on yourself. Are you who you want to be most of the time? If you are, thats awesome. Share some tips with me! If you aren't, keep at it. I am. But hopefully from now on I'll be looking a little harder at what I need to do, rather than just treading water with what I have to do.

Which brings me to my next point. I HATE starting a project that I don't know I can finish. I'd rather not start it at all. Well, with 3 kids, I have also learned that I don't get the pleasure of sitting down and doing something uninterrupted from start to finish. Oh I hate that! I've been that way since I was little. When I was homeschooled, I worked and worked on my schoolwork and got it done by lunchtime so I could play soccer with my dad when he came home for lunch. I wouldn't fully enjoy that unless I finished what I had to do. Fast forward 20 some years and here I am as a mom. Everything I do gets interrupted by sweet little cries for mom. Someone is hungry. Someone needs a diaper change. Someone....I'll spare you. I'm sure you all know what I am talking about. I think this is why I haven't drawn a picture in years. I think this is also why I feel like I'm drowning in unfinished projects around the house. Do I ever sit down and watch a show start to finish? No. I'm up and down, picking up this, washing that, starting baths, picking up clothes, starting laundry, etc. I'm a master at multi-tasking! I believe every mom is! You have to be. Can you imagine if God didn't make women multi-taskers? What if He switched it...your hubby (who works hard outside the home and does a wonderful job) is the multi-tasker and you (stay-at-home super mom) can only do one thing at a time. Picture what that would do to your mom jobs! Its hard enough to catch up when you have 20 things going at the same time! Well, I am thankful for the ability to multi-task. But I would love, for maybe an hour, to only have one thing on my mind, one thing on my list. Sometimes I think I'm just going to have to hide out for awhile, so that I can jump back in the game...and love it.