Trickling Down...Sinking In...

Once there was a flower. A nice flower, not to extravagant, just a normal flower. One among many. This flower was in bloom and enjoying life, the sun, and the rain. As days passed, the flower noticed it hadn't rained in awhile. Slowly the flower's petals began to droop. A few leaves dried up and fell to the dirt below. It's stem began to dry and became brittle. The flower closed up and hung its head low...reserving all of its strength just to stay alive. Then one day the skies opened up and water poured down from heaven, soaking the ground until the water ran in little streams. The little flower could barely stand under the pounding of the rain, but it knew each drop-no matter how hard to bear-brought with it Life. Finally the rain stopped. The little flower felt hopeful and tried to stand tall...but it couldn't. Slowly...over time...the water made its way down to the flower's roots. Then slowly began to sink into those roots and make its way through the flower. Then the sun began to peak out from behind a cloud. The flower felt the warmth and gradually felt its strength return. It didn't happen all at once. But little by little, the flower stood taller, straighter, stronger. The leaves perked up, and the petals began to lift to the sky and open to the warmth of the sun. Finally, the flower turned its face to the sun and once again stood tall and proud giving glory back to its Creator. Because what was lost had been restored. What was weak was made strong. What was dried and brittle was rejuvenated. What was nearly dead, was brought back to life. The flower, through no strength of its own, was restored to life.

If any of you have had a drought of soul, I'm sure you can draw the parallels with me. Through the past 7 months I have felt that my soul has retreated into a dormant, energy-conserving state. There are many events and happenings in my life that have contributed to this, with the culminated event being this pregnancy and the accompanying sickness. Nausea and dehydration are fierce and ugly monsters...rendering me physically and mentally exhausted. I have many times felt desperate for relief and twice been to the hospital for fluids. While at the hospital, the doctors and nurses kept asking me if I feel better. That is what made me think of the flower. It received the life-giving water...but it wasn't a quick fix. It had to penetrate deep into the flower, soak in, and slowly restore life. I felt "stuffed" after receiving fluids, but didn't feel better. But after several hours with the fluid making its way to each little cell...I felt restored. Renewed. It took time.

Sometimes the droughts, or the dormant seasons of life feel like they can last forever. I would just like to share what God has been whispering to me.
"I am not going to leave you in this place. Keep walking in My ways. I will restore you. I am not going to leave you in this place."
And when my soul begins to feel desperate, I hear that voice and I can imagine that life-giving water flooding my soul...penetrating...restoring...renewing.

Yes this life is filled with Disappointment. Loss. Tragedy. Loss of Dreams. Loss of Expectations. Depravity. Sin. The whole earth groans with it...and so does my soul. When I read Romans 8:22-23, "We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." I thought "Of course! This is natural. Of course my soul is groaning. And its okay. Life is not how it was originally intended, but it won't stay that way." Because then God brought Jeremiah to mind. You know, the "graduation verse." Well, I am realizing this verse has just as much meaning for me now as it did then...just in different ways. Yes, I'm past choosing a college, a major, a place to live, a spouse, will I have kids....etc. etc. But this verse has come alive for me now in other ways. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

Plans for my soul. And that is refreshing. It says to me,
"I'm not going to leave you in this place.
I will restore you.
I will restore you.
I will restore you.
I will restore you."