There's always a blessing....

Thanksgiving Day...most years its easy to come up with a long list of things I am thankful for. This year Thanksgiving is just a week and a half after the passing of my mother-in-law Diane...and with that sorrow prevalent in my mind it takes a little more thought. But there is always a blessing in sorrow...it just takes thoughtful, focused effort to reveal it sometimes.

This year has been a crazy one...I think that makes two in a row for the Paugh family. Last year we went back and forth to Ohio...first for the passing of Grandma Paugh, and then later for the passing of Jamie. This year, just 6 days after the new year, I left my home and family to spend 3 weeks with my brother and sister-in-law, followed by 3 weeks in the hospital before the blessing came....Jolee Esther (named in part after Grandma Paugh and born just short of a year after her home going) was born in February and has been a breath of fresh air every day of her life. We are so thankful for her sweet spirit and she is truly a blessing.

Rich and Diane came out to visit in the spring and were very excited to meet Jolee. It was during that visit that Diane noticed some strange discomfort in her abdomen. Shortly after they returned home she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a form of liver cancer. Through a roller coaster of doctor visits we learned that Diane would have surgery to remove the cancer. She endured two rounds of chemo and various complications, and the surgery was postponed several times. In June I took Jolee to visit with Courtney in Florida and while there we learned that my Grandma also had cancer that had spread from her colon throughout her abdomen including her bones and liver. She was not given long to live, so Courtney and I made the quick decision to drive down to visit her for a week. It was one of the best visits I've ever had with my Grandma. She was alert, sharp, and in a pleasant mood. She was in a really nice hospice and the whole trip was spent sitting by her side, talking, praying, laughing... She was able to meet and enjoy Jolee. She called her "the calm one." I learned a lot about my grandma on that trip and have many special memories that I will never forget. She passed away in September and I am so thankful for the time I had to know her, love her, and appreciate her.

Andy and I decided that we should spend some time in Ohio with his parents while we had the time during the summer. No one knew what the diagnosis for Diane quite meant, so we drove out and spent 3 weeks with them in July. Diane had surgery and they removed the cancer and declared her "cancer free." It seemed as though we were still rejoicing in that declaration when about a month later she was having belly pain. Through another roller coaster of doctor visits we learned that the cancer had returned and had spread. Radiation and surgery were no longer options, and chemo was not an immediate answer because of some other complications. We determined that Andy should go visit again as soon as possible after his soccer season. Andy went to Ohio for a week and had a really good visit with his mom, as well as his dad and siblings. He told me that he spent time reading his Bible to her, praying with her, talking, and simply sitting with her. That is his blessing...I know he is very thankful for that time with her. He returned home on a Tuesday, and by Friday we knew that it was time to go back. Friday evening we hustled around to find plane tickets, pack for us, and pack for the boys to spend the week with my parents. We got one-way tickets as we were unsure what things would be like when we got there. We arrived in Ohio on Saturday at 4:30pm...we spent the afternoon and evening with Diane. She was able to see and recognize Jolee as well. When we first stepped into her room, although it was difficult she smiled and said Jolee's name. She stepped into the presence of our Savior about 12 hours after we arrived. We are so thankful that we made it in time to see her again, and to be with the family during those first hours of mourning. We were blessed with those 12 hours and the time that followed with family.

And through it all you can spot little moments of blessing. And the blessing continues in the midst of sorrow. I was blessed to have a mother-in-law who believed in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. Just yesterday my son came into the living room with sorrow written all over his face. I asked him what was wrong and he replied, "Mom, don't you know I'm always sad that Grandma died?" And in that moment, it was my privilege, my pleasure, to pull him up in my lap, kiss away his sadness, and tell him all about the glory his Grandma was now experiencing in the presence of Jesus. We talked about heaven and Grandma's new body...free from cancer, free from sickness, free from pain. And we talked about how happy, how joyful we can be for her even as we miss her. That is the gift she left behind, and that is the joy of knowing Jesus.

1 Corinthians 16: 54b, 55
Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where O death is your victory? Where O death, is your sting?