Reflections on 2009

2009 has been quite the year for the Paugh family. Definitely NOT uninteresting or uneventful! The common theme throughout the year has been God's Grace...and today at church, Pastor Doug defined Grace nicely for us. He described it as "the stronger coming to the aid of the weaker." I think that could be our theme for 2009.

In January I noticed a lump on Brady's cheek. Most of you know the story, but that lump sent us on several doctor visits, a couple of specialists, and finally to the hospital for surgery. In those days before the surgery I remember watching Brady, my little 3-year-old, playing and the thought occurred to me that those few precious days before surgery could be our last "normal" days for quite awhile. The thought of cancer treatments, hospitals, sickness, trips to Denver, etc. loomed before us. Thankfully the surgeon was able to remove two lumps without damaging any facial nerves, and later we found out that they were not cancerous. We received the best possible outcome...God generously gave us grace in the life of our little boy. We were weak...the situation was not in our control...and God reached down and handed us grace.

In March, not long after Brady's surgery, Andy's grandma passed away. She lived a wonderfully long life and enjoyed good health and state of mind right up to the end. She flew to Jesus at the age of 103. We were able to drive to Ohio as a family and stay for a week with Andy's family. It was a blessing that we could all go together and have several days of fellowship, to comfort and encourage, laugh and cry, and miss Grandma together. In times of death we are all weak. We are not in control...if we were, we would probably all selfishly ask that Grandma stay here with us. And yet, in our weakness, God reached down and handed us grace.

Summer came and with it the joyous news that I was again pregnant! We were very excited, but were soon overwhelmed. I was extremely sick with the pregnancy and could scarcely function. I lost weight, was often dizzy and faint, and had little strength. This put a lot of pressure on Andy...to work, take care of the boys, take care of me...and everything else. In the midst of this we received the news that Andy's brother died in a car accident. It was August, but school had not started yet and we were once again able to travel back to Ohio to be with family. My parents were very helpful and kept our boys for the week we were gone. The money we had been saving for the summer turned out to be how God provided for another unexpected trip. Again it was such a blessing to be able to go together, to fellowship with family, tell stories, laugh and cry, and simply be there for each other. Again we were weak, and God reached down and handed us grace.

As we approached Thanksgiving I began to feel much better. I made it through nearly 4 1/2 months of extreme sickness. I was at my weakest. I literally could not mentally face another day with the way I felt, and yet how did I make it through? God, my strength, my fortress, reached down each and every day and handed me grace. In November we took a trip to visit my sister as she anticipated the arrival of her second child. It was such a blessing to be with her and her own family. When we returned home I had to face yet another challenge.

I had an appointment with my OB doctor in early December. The news was overwhelming. I was diagnosed with Placenta Previa...a condition that could endanger the life of the baby growing inside me, and possibly my own. This too is out of my control. There is nothing I can do that will "fix" this condition. As I've tried to digest the news, I am looking ahead to my appointment with a high risk doctor on the 23rd. It has occurred to me that these few days before my appointment just might be my last "normal" days for awhile. This condition is something that could take my baby's life...even take my life! Or I could go through the rest of the pregnancy with no further problems, deliver a healthy baby and recover normally. In that case some might be tempted to say, "What was all the fuss about in the first place?" But make no mistake, no matter what happens, no matter what the outcome, I am thoroughly convinced that God has His gracious hand in my life, and the life of my child. He is strong, and EVERY DAY He is reaching down and coming to the aid of His weak child. God's grace has infiltrated our lives this year and we are so thankful.

Today we made it to church...the first time in quite awhile. I was literally overwhelmed by how many people came up to me, hugged me, told me they were praying for me, and encouraged me. And I reflected on how many have brought meals, cleaned my house, loaded my wood box, committed to helping with the boys...and so on, and so on. Up until today I have simply been repeating the words the doctor used...calmly explaining to the best of my knowledge the condition with which I have been diagnosed. But this morning it began to sink in that what has been just words, will soon become events. I will soon face whatever is to be. I sang, and listened to so many fellow believers sing around me, and I felt the overwhelming presence of God, His overwhelming love, and His overwhelming grace. I have never felt so loved and so supported as I did today...surrounded by my own family, surrounded by my church family, and surrounded by God's grace.