Ultrasounds, ultrasounds...

So, I went to the doctor yesterday for my big ultrasound (I say big, since I've had 2 short ones already!). I'm 21 weeks now...feeling the baby swim around and feeling not so bad! So this was the ultrasound where the doctor measures everything, checks for all the body parts, organs, etc. Baby looks great! I am very thankful that God is forming this little one...especially since I don't feel like I've been able to control much about this pregnancy. The baby measured right on target for my due date, and we even saw the little one take a big yawn! Of course, we don't want to know if its a boy or girl, but the doc said she couldn't tell anyway! Baby had its legs crossed throughout the whole ultrasound :) Andy, Brady, and Luke were all in the room and enjoyed seeing the newest Paugh show off a bit.

Next, the boys left the room and my doctor continued the ultrasound. She discovered that I have a slight placenta previa condition. Basically this means that my placenta is very low and currently covering my cervix. Generally these conditions improve as the uterus grows, and eventually the placenta grows up and out of the way. So there is time for this condition to change. However, according to my doctor, this needs to occur before 28 weeks, and it needs to be a full 4 cm away from the cervix in order to be cleared for a vaginal delivery. If it doesn't move by 28 weeks, she will send me to a high-risk doctor and I will have to have a c-section. At that point the goal is to get me to full-term (36 weeks) without bleeding. If there is bleeding that brings in a whole new set of complications that we won't talk about for now. I return to the doctor in a month for yet another ultrasound to see if the placenta is moving. Currently I just have to take it easy, be careful about lifting, etc. and pray that I don't have bleeding and that the placenta will grow out of the way. Thank you for praying with me!

It seems that I keep learning the same lesson over and over. When I had my first miscarriage I realized that even with my best intentions, sometimes I am just not in control! Can you imagine? :) After that loss, God really sunk the message home: "I am in control. I know the little one inside you, I am forming that little one and love that baby more than you could ever know. I know what is best. Trust me!" And as that sunk in, I determined to be thankful...for each moment God allows me to be pregnant, for each day I get to experience the joy of feeling a baby move inside me, for even getting to experience labor, for the exhilaration of a birth experience, for each day spent with one of my kids, for each day of life. I choose to be thankful whether I get to be pregnant for only 12 weeks (as with the first), or whether God gives me a lifetime to enjoy my kids. Each day is precious and simply not guaranteed. God continues to hold me to that...through my pregnancy with Brady and my fear of losing a child again...through the fear that comes when my child gets hurt or sick, or runs out of my line of sight for the first time, or falls down the stairs, or gets a bloody nose for no reason at all...through the fear of the unknown...sickness, fever, when should I take him to the doctor?, finding out from the doctor that my firstborn needs surgery and might have cancer...I could go on, and on. The point is, I am never in total control. And when I think about it, PRAISE GOD for that! And so, as I wait to see what the outcome of this pregnancy will be, I am determining to be thankful for each moment I have, and trusting the rest to my loving Lord.